


Blackie, Goldie, and... Orangie? Oh My!

by donutsweeper



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Endgame? What Endgame?, Gen, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Rescuing Animals, Spiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-27 00:30:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20939306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donutsweeper/pseuds/donutsweeper
Summary: Steve was the worst when it came to naming the animals they rescued. The absoluteworst.





	Blackie, Goldie, and... Orangie? Oh My!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [K_Popsicle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/K_Popsicle/gifts).

It started with a puppy, because of course it did.

It was a mangy thing, huddling in a doorway, trying to stay out of the rain. Considering everything even the most bleeding hearted among them couldn't and wouldn't have left it there. Not when the building it was using for shelter had been a Hydra laboratory and they'd just placed enough explosives in it to not only completely level it, but also the vast majority of the general radius. Sam had given Natasha a _look _and she shrugged and raised her eyebrow at Steve who scooped the poor guy up as they all ran for safety.

Blackie, named such because he really was black under all that dirt and Steve had no imagination whatsoever, was found a nice home when they finally hit civilization three days later in tiny town on the northern edge of Minnesota named Embarrass. The fact they were leaving a badly named dog in a stupidly named town had Sam laughing for the better part of a week.

It wasn't too long after that when they wound up rescuing a set of bear cubs that were being forced to fight each other for entertainment. 

They'd actually just been looking for a bar, hoping for a chance to grab a few beers and wind down, when the shouting from the empty lot behind it had drawn their attention. Natasha had taken point and, without even bothering to check to see if Sam or Steve would follow her, she waded through the throng of onlookers to take out the assholes holding the bears' chains. There'd been no need to check, they were right on her flank; Sam had his guns pulled and Steve had his patented 'How dare you, I am so very disappointed in you' face on and it took very little persuasion (although, admittedly, that was more due to Natasha's very real physical threats than Sam's knives or Steve's glare) to have the bears turned over to them. The assholes kept their manhood and an animal preserve outside of Zagreb got a large monetary donation and two small, brown bears.

"They're wild animals, Steve. We don't get to name them. Besides, you can't call both of them Brownie."

A month or so after that they wound up saving a calico mama cat and her seven kittens from a fire along with two dogs and a pot bellied pig. The pig was weird, but oddly sweet and gentle. It was easier than expected to find an animal shelter that'd take them all, but when Sam said as much he got Natasha's version of that disappointed-in-you face and it took him two weeks of grovelling to get back in her good graces because of course she knew a place that would take them. 

Last they heard Callie the calico and her brood were doing really well. The two dogs, Spot and Goldie got adopted together (although Sam carefully didn't inform Steve that their names had been changed to something actually vaguely original by their new owner) and Pinkie the pig was being trained as a therapy animal which none of them had known was a thing but the pictures the shelter shared with them were pretty cute. 

Then came the spider. And the spider… well, okay, the spider was all Sam's fault.

The whole area was flooding and there she was, a beautiful [_Alpaida latro_](https://spiderid.com/wp-content/uploads/IMG_20181209_175052-e1544479360631-278x306.jpg), clinging to her web and trying not to get swept away. "She's an Araneidae, an orb weaver," he explained as he shoved the contents of one of their first aid boxes at Steve and carefully maneuvered the empty box under her and scooped her up. "Native around here and also to Argentina, Brazil and Paraguay."

"Are they endangered?" Steve asked distractedly, as he tried to cram everything into his pockets without crushing any of it.

"Nope."

That had Steve stopping, brow furrowing as he looked from Sam to Natasha and then back to Sam again, obviously wanting, but not quite willing to ask anything more and risk stepping on toes or questioning Sam's sanity.

Natasha, being Natasha, had no such compunction and she used that 'I can eviscerate you with both hands tied behind my back' tone of hers when she said, "You know 'Black Widow' is just my code name, right? Just. A. Name. No relation to spiders whatsoever. Or are you trying to suggest you being called 'Falcon' is related to you being a bird brain?"

"I know! I know, I just. It started because I thought it'd be a good idea to learn about venomous and nonvenomous animals in the places we were going and then I started to read some more and yeah, okay, as hobbies go it's kind of weird and definitely unusual, I get that, but… we're here, she needs help, so why not save her?"

That got him the eyebrow-raise-of-respect from Steve and the very rare head tilt of approval from Natasha.

"Just so you know," Sam added quickly, "You do not get to name this one, Steve. There will be no Orangie the Araneidae. She's too beautiful to saddle with a name like that."

"But—" 

"No."

"Okay, Orangie's out. But what about Rusty?"

Sam didn't even pretend not to enjoy Steve's resulting flail when Natasha swept his feet out from under him and he wound up falling into the rising water.


End file.
